Fan Mail 2
by Missmarauder13
Summary: A sequel to the very very funny Fan Mail. The characters recieve more interestingstrange fan mail. Dying questions everyone wants to know about Snape and the other characters. More crazy letters! And did you ever wonder how the bad guys got their fan mail


Author's Note: It's back... Fan Mail 2! I had random ideas one night so here it is. Thank you to all the people who reviewed Fan Mail and for waiting. This was written BEFORE we found out about the date when the the last book was coming out. Well part of it was. Thanks Drummer Chick 13 for beta-ing. You are awesome. Enjoy!

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_Dear Harry,  
I was so happy/surprised when I heard the title for book seven. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Do you have any idea when the long awaited book 7 will be in stores. I thought you might know since YOU ARE Harry Potter. Please write back and tell me PLEASE!!!  
__Love,  
A Desperate Fan_

"NOT AGAIN!" yelled Harry and threw the letter into the fire. He was getting too much mail lately, and most were asking him when this book would come out. Of course, he had no clue. He didn't know until more desperate fans kept writing to him.

"What's the problem Harry?" asked Ginny.

"LOOK AT ALL THESE LETTERS!" Harry pointed to a mountain of letters all about Deathly Hallows.

"You don't have to be all Caps lock!Harry about it," mumbled Ron.

"Be quiet, Ron. Of course Harry would be angry. I'm getting letters asking me that too. Just not a mountain full of them," said Hermione. All of her letters were neatly piled.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I have a question. Do you know when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is going to come out? My bookstore told me it will be March 31st, but they're wrong. I think it will be June 21st... Summer solstice. Please tell me!_

_From, ILoveHP_

"What kind of date is March 31?" asked Ron

" I have no clue."

The next day...

_Dear Harry,_

_OMG! OMG! Deathly Hallows!! July 21, 2007! I can't believe it! I hope you live. _

_From: Andrew_

"I can't believe she announced it," commented Ron after the trio read the letter.

"Thank goodness. No more stupid letters," sighed Harry

"But now people will be writing tell you not to die," pointed out Hermione.

"Dang it!"

"Is there a Dawlish in the building?" Remus called out.

"Who's Dawlish?" asked Ron.

"I don't know but obviously whoever sorted the mail thinks Dawlish and Remus Lupin are the same people."

"Stupid house elves," muttered Ron.

"House elves sort our mail!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Oh come on spew again?" said Ron

"It's S.P.E.W," she replied.

"Anyway, this Dawlish guy really has some er... interesting fans." Remus handed them the letters.

_Dear Dawlllishhhhh,_

_You're awesome. You're the best auror ever!!! I can't wait to see you in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie. SQUEEE!!_

_Love, SB_

There were a few more letters like this which distrubed the trio.

"Did someone call Dawlish?" said a man.

"Yes, are you Dawlish?" Remus asked.

"I'm Dawlish. The Auror from the book 5."

"Here are you're letters." Harry handed the man his fanmail. "I know you. You were in the office with Dumbledore and all of those other people from the ministry in my 5th year..."

"Yes, I, Dawlish, was there." Dawlish walked away to his own corner.

"He's a bit odd," muttered Ron to Hermione.

"I know," she replied. "Remus, did you get any interesting mail?"

"No, not really. Most of them are asking if Sirius is in my closet. And if I'm doing anything to him in that closet," answered Remus in an annoyed tone.

"Hey, Remus, come over here! For some reason Snape's mail got into mine, and this is one very interesting question," called Tonks.

"Honestly, can these house elves sort mail?" asked Ron and Harry. Hermione just sighed.

_Dear Sev,_

_This is one important question that you MUST answer! It determines a lot in the series and your life. Do you wear boxers or briefs? Please let me know. _

_From, Mandy_

_Ps. I LOVE YOU!!!_

"Oh my," said Hermoine. There were a few letters similar to this asking him the burning question.

"And he says I get insane questions," said Remus. "That is an odd question. Why would people want to know that? His fangirls are insane."

"Who's insane?" asked Snape and the trio, and Remus and Tonks turned around. "Would you happen to be talking about yourself since you mentioned insane?"

"Quite funny," said Remus. "No but... haha, but. Get it!" Tonks laughed since she got it.

"How much firewhiskey have you had, Lupin?"

"None, but after you read this letter, you'll be wanting a lot of firewhiskey." Remus handed the potions master quite a lot of letters.

"You read my letters..." Snape started to read them. "I can't believe they would want to know such a stupid and silly thing like that!"

"Aww Snape has fangirls... really obsessed ones!" said Tonks.

"Be quiet Tonks. Many "puppy shippers" or whatever they're called want you gone," Snape said bitterly.

"Oi, don't remind me," sighed Tonks

"Yeah, same here. Do you think I like getting letters asking me if Sirius and I... well.. you know," said Remus

"Yes, I think you like that a lot, actually," replied Snape coldly. He looked at his own pile wondering if he had mail that wasn't his. He had one letter that was addressed to Narcissa Malfoy, and a thought came to him. Where did all the Death Eaters and bad guys get their fanmail? They must get a bit of fanmail. And why does he, Snape, get his letters with the Order and other good guys?

This was an excellent question by Mr. Snape. Of course, the Death Eaters get a lot of fanmail, but does the location of where he recieves his fanmail determine what side he's on? One will never know... until book seven, that is.

_Dear Voldemort,_

_I hope you live and you can defeat the Boy-Who-Lived. He's very annoying._

_From, deatheaterwannabe_

Voldemort laughed evilly (as usual) and put the letter next to a few other that admired him.

"Yes. YES," he said to his snake Nagini. "I can do this. I know I can. I believe!!"

"I know you can defeat him." said Bellatrix. "You have powers no one has seen before!"

"Yes, Bella, that's true." He looked at her. "Do you know if I have any more letters?"

"Let me see," Bella looked through the piles of mail. House elves did not sort it. "Oh, here is one."

Voldemort opened the letter, but it wasn't a letter it was a card. A muggle card.

"Yuck! A muggle card!" but he opened it anyway. Oh, the sound that it made hurt poor Voldie's ears so much that he had to run from the room.

"Master, what is wrong?" Bella asked, but then she heard the sound and ran from the room.

It was a muggle card. But not any normal muggle card. It was new one that played music when you opened it. This one happened to sing a song that talked about "Wild things," and inside there was a big heart drawn. Too much love for Voldie. He was so frightened that he never read his mail alone. He yelled aloud "STUPID FANMAIL! IT WILL BE DESTROYED WHEN I RULE THE WORLD!!" He was too scared that it would happen again since it hurt his evil ears and eyes.

What a big baby.

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Hope you enjoyed it. Review please. 


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